Hi everyone, it’s Willy The Beak back again.First, I would like to apologize for my “incorrect” pick for the Derby. If you recall, I selected Dortmund to win and AP to finish second. This is technically correct. Dortmund was all set to win, but due to a 9-year-old kid in the stands fiddling around with a laser pointer which was momentarily directed at Dortmund’s eye, my selection was distracted and finished short of his deserved prize. Watch the replay, you can clearly see a red spot beaming around dortmund’s head on the final turn causing the slow down. It was a disgrace to the game that there was no inquiry into this catastrophic event which sabotaged Dortmund’s earned glory. Anyways, I’m not bitter.
Secondly, losing is just part of the game. While you cannot be right 100% of the time, but you can be right 4% of the time and still hold the title of “greatest handicapper on this side of the Amazon.” Grab your waffles and let’s get to the picks!
THE BEAK ON THE PREAK 2015:
1. AMERICAN PHAROAHI SOMETIMES FORGET WHERE I AM WHEN WATCHING AMERICAN PHAROAH. AM I WATCHING A HORSE RACE? OR I AM I WATCHING ALADDIN ZOOM AROUND ON HIS MAGIC CARPET? I’VE NEVER ONCE IN MY CAREER DOUBTED THAT AMERICAN PHAROAH WOULD BE A TRIPLE CROWN CHAMPION. THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE PHAROAH.
PREDICTION: WIN – EMPTY ALL SAVINGS ACCOUNTS, SELL YOUR HOUSE & CAR, MAX OUT ALL CREDIT CARDS. PUT IT ALL ON AP. YOU WON’T REGRET IT.
2. DORTMUNDI HAVE HEARD FROM MY INSIDE RACING SOURCES THAT DORTMUND DID NOT TAKE HIS 3RD PLACE DERBY FINISH VERY WELL. HE HAS BEEN SEEN AT NIGHT CLUBS AT LEAST 4-5X A WEEK, OUT UNTIL AROUND 4 IN THE MORNING. HE HAS BEEN MAKING SOME, LET’S SAY “QUESTIONABLE” LIFESTYLE CHOICES. THERE ARE ALSO RUMORS DORTMUND IS HOSTING AN UNDERGROUND DANCE RAVE FRIDAY NIGHT BEFORE THE RACE.
PREDICTION: 4TH – HANGOVER ALERT. PREAKNESS FINISH WILL RESEMBLE BUNDESLIGA FINISH.
3. MR. ZIT’S NO COINCIDENCE THAT Z IS ALSO THE LAST LETTER OF THE ALPHABET.
PREDICTION: 8TH – PUT IT ALL ON Z IF YOU LIKE HAVING ZERO MONEY
4. DANZIG MOONKEY IN ON THE MOO-N PORTION OF HIS NAME. HE RUNS ABOUT AS WELL AS A COW.
PREDICTION: 6TH – I WOULD SUGGEST BETTING NO MORE THAN $0 ON THIS ONE.
5. TALE OF VERVEWILL RUN A RACE CLOSELY RESEMBLING THE CAREER OF THE BAND, THE VERVE. STRONG START, BUT BY THE END OF RACE NO ONE WILL EVEN REMEMBER HE EXISTS.
PREDICTION: 5TH – YOU’LL JUST FEEL BITTER AFTER BETTING THIS ONE AND LOSING.
6. BODHISATTVATHE BEAK’S #1 RULE FOR PICKING A SHOW FINISHER IN A TRIPLE CROWN RACE DURING ODD NUMBERED YEARS DIVISIBLE BY 5: GO WITH THE HORSE WHOSE NAME YOU CAN’T PRONOUNCE.
PREDICTION: SHOW – FINISH OFF YOUR TRIFECTA WITH THIS HOT BOD
7. DIVINING RODPRAY ALL YOU WANT, THIS ONE WON’T EVEN WIN A SYMPATHY VOTE.
PREDICTION: 7TH – WILL FINISH SOMEWHERE BETWEEN LAST AND SECOND TO LAST
8. FIRING LINERULE #55 FROM THE HANDBOOK OF BEAKDOM – GARY STEVENS RIDING A HORSE WITH A THREE SYLLABLE NAME WILL NEVER WIN A TRIPLE CROWN RACE*
*THIS MAY NOT BE TRUE
PREDICTION: PLACE – I AM EXPECTING A 2-FOR-2 FROM HIM. SECOND PLACE FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT RACE.